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When we face an irrational attack of a difficult person, our first impulse is to start defending ourselves. The most important thing is to stay rational. There are some tips which may help you to deal with difficult people.
1. If you have t o respond to an irrational attack of your partner, ask him what exactly he is upset about, to show that you are interested in communicating but not in arguing. The responsibility is now back on your partner.
2. After the unreasonable argument, try to agree with a kernel of truth in the complaint. When you look for that one small fact about which the critic is correct and then agree with it you'll overcome your own impulse to start arguing. Your boss calls you a screw-up. Ask, "In what way did I screw up?" If he says, "You just are a screw up," agree with one example (if it is right), but correct his overgeneralization.
3. You can more easily and tactfully defend yourself when the emotional heat has reduced. If your boss says, "Again, you're totally screwing up." You can defend without a defensive tone: "It is true that I made a mistake, and I appreciate constructive feedback to minimize mistakes in the future." Admit that you made the mistake, but refuse to be labeled a screw-up.
4. Try to speak about what your partner is feeling, and ask for feedback. "It sounds like you're angry right now, and I'm sorry about that." This shows a willingness to understand the difficult person's frustration without blame or defense.
5. Resist the impulse to fight to win the argument. Listening and asking questions leads others to their own better conclusions. This process is known as the Socratic Method.
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