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It appears to me and many others that, sadly, you may be a functional illiterate. This is nothing to be ashamed of You have lots of company (just count the typoes in this book. In fact, isn't that a typo?). Millions of Americans cannot read and write above a fourth‑grade level. No wonder you said "leave no child behind"‑‑you knew what it felt like.
But let me ask this: if you have trouble comprehending the complex position papers you are handed as the Leader of the Mostly‑Free World, how can we entrust something like our nuclear secrets to you?
All the signs of this illiteracy are there‑and apparently no
one has challenged you about them. The first clue was what you named as your favorite childhood book. "The Very Hungry Caterpillar, " you said.
Unfortunately, that book wasn't even published until a year after you graduated from college.
Then there's the question of your college transcripts, if those really are your transcripts. How did you get into Yale when other applicants in 1964 had higher SATs and much better grades?
During the campaign, when asked to name the books you were currently reading, you answered gamely-‑but when quizzed about the books' contents, you didn't know what to say. No wonder your aides stopped letting you hold press conferences with two months left in the campaign. Your handlers were scared to death of what you might get asked-‑and how you might answer.
One thing is clear to everyone‑you can't speak the English language in sentences we can comprehend. At first, the way you mangled words and sentences seemed cute, almost charming. But after a while it became worrisome. Then in an interview you broke America's decades‑long policy toward Taiwan, saying we were willing to do "whatever it took" to defend Taiwan, even suggesting we might deploy troops there. Jeez, George; the whole world flipped out; before you knew it, everyone was at Defcon 3.
If you're going to be Commander‑in‑Chief, you have to be able to communicate your orders. What if these little slipups keep happening? Do you know how easy it would be to turn a little faux pas into a national‑security nightmare? No wonder you want to increase the Pentagon budget. We'll need all the firepower we can get after you accidentally order the Russians "wiped out," when what you meant to say was, "I need to wipe the Russian dressing off my tie."
Your aides have said that you don't (can't?) read the briefing papers they give you, and that you ask them to read them for you
or to you. Your mother was passionately committed to reading programs as First Lady. Should we assume she knew firsthand the difficulty of raising a child who couldn't read?
Please don't take any of this personally. Perhaps it's a learning disability. Some sixty million Americans have learning disabilities. There's no shame in this. And yes, I believe a dyslexic can be President of the United States. Albert Einstein was dyslexic; so is Jay Leno. (Hey, I finally found a way to work Leno and Einstein into the same sentence! See, language can be fun.)
But if you refuse to seek help with this problem, I'm afraid you may be too great a risk for the country. You need help. You need Hooked on Phonics, not just another Oval Office briefing.
Tell us the truth, and I'll come read to you every night at bedtime.
2. Are you an alcoholic, and if so, how is this affecting your performance as Commander‑in‑
Chief?
Again, there is no finger being pointed here, no shame or disrespect intended. Alcoholism is a huge problem; it affects millions of American citizens, people we all know and love. Many are able to recover and live normal lives. Alcoholics can be, and have been, President of the United States. I greatly admire anyone who can deal with this addiction. You have told us that you cannot handle drinking, and that you haven't touched a drop of alcohol since you were forty. Congratulations.
You have also told us that you used to "drink too much" and that you eventually "realized that alcohol was beginning to crowd out my energies and could crowd, eventually, my affections for other people." That is the definition of an alcoholic. This does not disqualify you from being President, but it does require that you answer some questions, especially after you spent years covering up the fact that in 1976 you were arrested for drunk driving.
Why won't you use the word alcoholic? That is, after all, the First Step to recovery. What support system have you set up to make sure you don't fall off the wagon? Being President is perhaps the most stressful job in the world. What have you done to ensure you can handle the pressure and the anxiety associated with being the most powerful man on earth?
How do we know you won't turn to the bottle when faced with a serious crisis? You've never had a job like this. For twenty years, from what I can tell, you had no job at all. When you stopped "drifting," your dad set you up in the oil business with some ventures that failed, and then he helped you get a major league baseball team, which required you to sit in a box seat and watch a lot of long, slow baseball games.
As governor of Texas, you couldn't have had much stress; there just isn't enough to do. Being governor of Texas is a relatively ceremonial job. How will you deal with some unexpected new threat to world security? Do you have a sponsor you can call? Is there a meeting you can attend? You don't have to tell me the answers to these questions; you just have to promise me you've thought them out for yourself.
I know this is very personal, but the public has a right to know. For those who say, "Well, c'mon, it's his personal life that was twenty‑four years ago," I have this to say: I was hit by a drunk driver twenty‑eight years ago, and to this day I cannot completely extend my right arm. I'm sorry, George, but when you go out on a public highway drunk, it's no longer just your PERSONAL life we're talking about. It's my life, and the lives of my family.
Your campaign people‑‑the e nablers‑‑tried to 'cover for you, lying to the press about the nature of your arrest for driving under the influence. They said the cop pulled you over because you were "driving too slowly." But the arresting officer said it was because you had swerved off on the shoulder of the road.
You yourself joined in the denial when asked about the evening you spent in jail.
"I didn't spend time in jail," you insisted. The officer told the local reporter that in fact you were handcuffed, taken to the station, and held in custody for at least an hour and a half. Could it be that you truly don't remember?
This is not just some simple traffic ticket. I can't believe your enablers actually implied your drunk driving conviction wasn't as offensive as Clinton's transgressions. Lying about consensual sex you had with another adult while you are married is wrong, but it is NOT the same as getting behind the wheel of a car when you are drunk and endangering the lives of others (including, George, the life of your own sister, who was with you in the car that night).
It is also NOT the same, despite what your defenders said before the election, as Al Gore volunteering that he smoked pot in his youth. Unless he was driving while stoned, his actions endangered no life but his own‑and he wasn't trying to cover it up.
You've tried to dismiss the incident by saying "it was back in my youth." But you were NOT a "youth"; you were in your thirties.
The night your conviction was finally revealed to the nation, just days before the election, it was painful to watch you swagger as you tried to chalk up your "irresponsible" action as the mere "youthful indiscretion" of having a few beers with the boys (smirk, smirk). I really felt for the families of the half a million people who have been killed by drunks like yourself in the twenty‑four years since your "little adventure." Thank God you kept drinking for only another several years after you "learned your lesson." I think, too, of what you must have put your wife, Laura, through. She knew all too well how dangerous it is when any of us get behind the wheel. At seventeen she killed a high school
friend of hers when she ran through a stop sign and collided with his car. I'm hopeful that you can look to her for guidance if ever you feel the pressures of the job getting to you. (Whatever you do, don't turn to Dick Cheney for help: he's had two drunk driving arrests on his record for more than twenty‑five years!)
Finally, I have to tell you how distressed I was when, back in that crazy week before the election, you hid behind your daughters as your excuse for covering up this conviction. You said you were worried that your history of drunkenness would set a bad example for them. A lot of good that secrecy has done, as proven by the twins' various arrests this year for alcohol possession. In some ways, I admire their rebellion. They asked you, they begged you, they told you: "Please, Dad, don't run for President and ruin our lives!" You did. It did. Now, like all good teenagers, it's payback time.
Perhaps the news anchor on Saturday Night Live put it best: "George Bush said he didn't reveal the drunk driving charge because of what his daughters might think of him. He had preferred that they think of him as a man with numerous failed business ventures who now executes people."
Here's what I suggest: Get help. Join AA. Take your daughters to Al‑Anon. You will all be welcomed with open arms.
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