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I'm done hiring white people. Nothing against them personally, of course. They're a dependable, hardworking lot. Those I've hired for my films and TV shows have been a great bunch.
But they are white.
How can I write what I've already written in this chapter when I've done little or nothing to correct the problem in my own backyard? Oh, sure, I could give you a hundred excuses for why it's so hard to find African‑Americans in this business‑and they'd all be true. So what? So it's hard? Does that absolve me of responsibility? I oughta be leading a picket of myself.
By giving jobs to white people‑‑for many of them, their first job in this medium‑‑I've enabled them to go on and have successful careers on shows like Politically Incorrect, Dharma and Greg, David Letterman's show, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, and more. A dozen other former staffers have gone on to make their own independent films. One became an executive at
Comedy Central, and two others created shows for that network. Some of our editors have worked at HBO, and one of them has gone on to edit many of Ang (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) Lee's films.
I'm happy for them all, but there's a question that gnaws away inside my head: What if I'd done the same for a hundred black writers, editors, field producers, and cinematographers on my projects over the years? Where would they be today? My guess using their talent to affect a hundred shows or movies, having their voices heard. And we'd all be better off for it.
The more I think about it, white employees can be a lot of trouble. Right now, the white person in the office next to me is playing an Eagles CD. That person's got to go. They can also be a pretty lazy bunch‑especially those who grew up with a lot of money and went to the nicer schools. They're the ones whoХve spilled crap an over our carpets, leaving huge, ugly stains, and who've scratched up all our furniture. Their genetically encoded sense of privilege whispers in their ears, "Someone else (someone black?) will pick up after you." Another employee just came in and told me she wants to take Friday off "to go out to the Hamptons." Sure‑and why don't you take the rest of your life off while you're at it?
So they've all gotta go. From now on, whitey don't work here no more.
I suppose some government agency is going to pay me a visit over this, as I'm legally prohibited from denying employment to an entire race of people. I don't care. Bring it on! And you better not send me some white guy, or I'll have him fetching me burgers and scrubbing my toilet.
So if you're African‑American and you'd like to work in the media‑or already do but haven't been able to get out from behind that damn. reception desk‑then I encourage you to drop me a line and send me your rЋsumЋ.
Our lone white receptionist will be happy to answer any questions you may have.
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