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William Somerset Maugham 10 страница

'Here she is,' said Waddington, and added something in Chinese. Kitty shook hands with her. She was slim in her long-embroidered gown and somewhat taller than Kitty used to the Southern people, had expected. She wore a jacket of pale green silk with tight sleeves that came over her wrists and on her black hair, elaborately crossed, was the head-dress if the Manchu women. Her face was coated with powder and her cheeks from the eyes to the mouth heavily rouged; her plucked eyebrows were a thin dark line and her mouth was scarlet. From this mask her black, slightly slanting, large eye s burned like lakes of liquid jet. She seemed more like an idol than a woman. Her movements were slow and assured. Kitty had the impression that she was slightly shy but very curious. She nodded her head two or three times, looking at Kitty, while Waddington spoke of her. Kitty noticed her hands; they were preternaturally long, very slender, of the colour of ivory: and the exquisite nails were painted. Kitty thought she had never seen anything so lovely as those languid and elegant hands. They sug­gested the breeding of uncounted centuries.

She spoke a little, in a high voice, like the twittering of birds in an orchard, and Waddington, translating, told Kitty that she was glad to see her; how old was she and how many children had she got? They sat down on three straight chairs at the square table and a boy brought in bowls of tea, pale and scented with jasmine. The Manchu lady handed Kitty a green tin of Three Castles cigarettes. Beside the table and the chairs the room con­tained little furniture; there was a wide pallet bed on which was an embroidered head rest and two sandal-wood chests.

'What does she do with herself all day long?' asked Kitty.

'She paints a little and sometimes she writes a poem. But she mostly sits. She smokes, but only in moderation, which is fortunate, since one of my duties is to prevent the traffic in opium.'

'Do you smoke?' asked Kitty.

'Seldom. To tell you the truth I much prefer whiskey.'

There was in the room a faintly acrid smell; it was not unpleasant, but peculiar and exotic.

'Tell her that I am sorry I cannot talk to her. I am sure we have many things to say to one another'

When this was translated to the Manchu she gave Kitty a quick glance in which there was the hint of a smile. She was impressive as she sat. without embarrass­ment, in her beautiful clothes; and from the painted face the eyes looked out wary, self-possessed, and unfathomable. She was unreal, like a picture, and yet had an elegance which made Kitty feel all thumbs. Kitty had never paid anything out passing and somewhat con­temptuous attention to the China in which fate had thrown her. It was not done in her set: Now she seemed on a sudden to have an inkling of something remote and mysterious. Here was the East, immemorial, dark, and inscrutable. The beliefs and the ideals of the West seemed crude beside ideals and beliefs of which in this exquisite creature she seemed to catch a fugitive glimpse. Here was a different life, lived on a different plane. Kitty felt strangely that the sight of this idol, with her painted face and slanting, wary eyes, made the efforts and the pains of the everyday world she knew slightly absurd. That coloured mask seemed to hide the secret of an abundant, profound, and significant experience: those: long, delicate hands with their tapering fingers held the key of riddles undivined.

'What does she think about all day long?' asked Kitty.

'Nothing,' smiled Waddington.

'She's wonderful. Tell her I've never seen such beautiful hands. I wonder what she sees in you. '

Waddington, smiling, translated the question.

'She says I'm good.'

'As if a woman ever loved a man for his virtue,' Kitty mocked.

The Manchu laughed bat once. This was when Kitty, for something to say, expressed admiration of a jade bracelet she wore. She took it off and Kitty, trying to put it on, found, though her hands were small enough that it would not pass over her knuckles. Then the Manchu burst into childlike laughter. She said something to Waddington and called for an amah. She gave her an instruction and the amah in a moment brought in a pair of very beautiful Manchu shoes.

'She wants to give you these if you can wear them.' said Waddington. 'You'll find they make quite good bedroom slippers.'

'They fit me perfectly,' said Kitty, not without satisfaction.

But she noticed a roguish smile on Waddington's face.

'Are they too big for her?' she asked quickly.

'Miles.'

Kitty laughed and when Waddington translated, the Manchu and the amah laughed also.

When Kitty and Waddington, a little later, were walk­ing up the hill together, she turned to him with a friendly smile.

'You did not tell me that you had a great affection for her.'

'What makes you think I have?'

'I saw it in your eyes. It's strange, it must be like loving a phantom or a dream. Men are incalculable; I thought you were like everybody else and now I feel that I don't know the first thing about you.'

As they reached the bungalow he asked her abruptly:

'Why did you want to see her?' K itty hesitated for a moment before answering.

'I'm looking for something and I don't quite know what it is. But I know that it's very important for me to know it, and if I did it would make all the difference. Perhaps the nuns know it; when I’m with them I feel that they hold a secret which they will not share with me. I don’t know why it came into my head that if I saw this Manchu woman I should have an inkling of what I am looking for. Perhaps she would tell me if she could.’

‘What makes you think she knows it?’

Kitty gave him a sidelong glance, but did not answer. Instead she asked him a question.

‘Do you know it?’

He smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

‘Tao. Some of us look for the Way in opium and some in God, some of us in whiskey and some in love. It is all the same Way and it leads nowhither.’

KITTY fell again into the comfortable routine of her work and though in the early morning feeling far from well she had spirit enough not to let it discompose her. She was astonished at the interest the nuns took in her: sisters who, when she saw them in a corridor, had done no more than bid her good morning now on a flimsy pretext came into the room in which she was occupied and looked at her, chatting a little, with a sweet and childlike excitement. Sister St Joseph told her with a repetition which was sometimes tedious how she had been saying to herself for days past: 'Now, I wonder,' or; 'I shouldn't be surprised'; and then, when K itty fainted: There can be no doubt, it jumps to the eyes. She told Kitty long stories of her sister-in-law's confinements, which but for Kitty's quick sense of humour would have been not a little alarming. Sister St Joseph combined in a pleasant fashion the realistic outlook of her upbringing (a river wound through the meadows of her father's farm and the poplars that stood on its bank told Kitty of the Annunciation.

'I can never read those lines in the Holy Writ without weeping,' she said. 'I do not know why, but it gives me such a funny feeling.'

And then in French, in words that to Kitty sounded unfamiliar and in their precision a trifle cold, she quoted:

'And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail full of grace, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women.'

The mystery of birth blew through the convent like a little fitful wind playing among the white blossoms of an orchard. The thought that Kitty was with child disturbed and excited those sterile women. She frightened them a little now and fascinated them. They looked upon the physical side of her condition with robust common sense, for they were the daughters of peasants and fishermen; but in their childlike hearts was awe. They were troubled by the thought of her burden and yet happy and strangely exalted. Sister St Joseph told her that they all prayed for her, and Sister St Martin had said what a pity it was she was not a Catholic; but the Mother Superior had reproved her; she said that it was possible to be a good woman - une brave femme she put it - even though one was Protestant and le bon Dieu would in some way or other arrange all that.

Kitty was both touched and diverted by the interest she aroused, but surprised beyond measure when she found that even the Mother Superior, so austere inher saintliness, treated her with a new compliance. She had always been kind to Kitty, but in a remote fashion; now she used her with a tenderness in which there was something maternal. Her voice had in it a new and gentle note and in her eyes was a sudden playfulness as though Kitty were a child who had done a clever and amusing thing. It was oddly moving. Her soul was like a calm, grey sea rolling majestically, awe-inspiring in its somber greatness, and then suddenly a ray of sunshine made it alert, friendly and gay. Often nowin the evening she would come and sit with Kitty.

'I must take care that you do not tire yourself, mon enfant,' she said, making a transparent excuse to herself. 'or Dr Fane will never forgive me. Oh this British self-control! There he is delighted beyond measure and when you speak to him of it he becomes quite pale.' She took Kitty's hand and patted it affectionately. 'Dr Fane told me that hewished you to go away, but you would not because you could not bear to leave us. That was kind of you, my dear child, and I want you to know that we appreciate the help you have been to us. But I think that you did not want to leave him either, and that is better, for your place is by his side, and he needs you. Ah, I do not know what we should have done without that admirable man.'

'I am glad to think that he has been able to do some-thing for you,' said Kitty.

'You must love him with all your heart, my dear. He is a saint.'

Kitty smiled and in her heart signed. There was only one thing she could do for Walter now and that she could not think how to. She wanted him to worship her, not for her sake any more, but for his own; for she fell that this alone could give him peace of mind. It was useless to ask him for his forgiveness, and if he had a suspicion that she desired it for his good rather than hers his stubborn vanity would make him refuse at all costs (it was curious that his vanity now did not irritate her, it seemed natural and only made her sorrier for him); and the only chance was that some unexpected occurrence might throw him off his guard. She had an idea that he would welcome an uprush of emotion which would liberate him from his nightmare of resentment, but that in his pathetic folly, he would fight when it came with all his might against it.

Was it not pitiful that men, tarrying so snort a space in a world where there was so much pain, should thus torture themselves?

THOUGH the Mother Superior talked with Kitty not more than three or four times and once or twice for but ten minutes the impression she made upon Kitty was profound. Her character was like a country which on first acquaintance seems grand, but inhospitable; but in which presently you discover smiling little villages among fruit trees in the folds of the majestic mountains, and pleasant ambling rivers that flow kindly through lush meadows. But these comfortable scenes, though they surprise and even reassure you, are not enough to make you feel at home in the land of tawny heights and windswept spaces. It would have been impossible to become intimate with the Mother Superior; she had that something impersonal about her which Kitty had felt with the other nuns, even with the good-humoured, chatty Sister St Joseph, but with her it was a barrier which was almost palpable. It gave you quite a curious sensation, chilling but awe-inspiring, that she could walk on the same earth as you, attend to mundane affairs, and yet live so obviously upon a plane you could not reach. She once said to Kitty.

'It is not enough that a religious should be continually in prayer with Jesus; she should be herself a prayer.'

Though her conversation was interwoven with her religion, Kitty felt that this was natural to her and that no effort was made to influence theheretic. It seemed strange to her that the Mother Superior, with her deep sense of charity, should be content to leave Kitty in a condition of what must seem to her sinful ignorance.

One evening the two of them were sitting together. The days were shortening now and the mellow light of the evening was agreeable and a little melancholy. The Mother Superior looked very tired. Her tragic face was drawn and white; her fine dark eyes had lost their fire. Her fatigue perhaps urged her to a rare mood of confidence.

'This is a memorable day for me, my child,' she said breaking from a long reverie, 'for this is the anniversary of the day on which I finally determined to enter religion. For two years I had been thinking of it, but I had suffered as it were a fear of this calling, for I dreaded that I might be recaptured by the spirit of the world. But that morning when I communicated I made the vow that I would before nightfall announce my wish to my dear mother. After I had received the Holy Communion I asked Our Lord to give me peace of mind: Thou shalt have it only, the answer seemed to come to me, when thou hast ceased to desire it.'

The Mother Superior seemed to lose herself in thoughts of the past.

‘That day, one of our friends, Madame de Viernot, had left for the Cannel without telling any of her rela­tives. She knew that they were opposed to her step, but she was a widow and thought that as such she had the right to do as she chose. One of my cousins had gone to bid farewell to the dear fugitive and did not come back till the evening. She was much moved. I had not spoken to my mother, I trembled at the thought of telling her what I had in mind, and yet I wished to keep the resolu­tion I had made at Holy Communion. I asked my cousin all manner of questions. My mother, who appeared to be absorbed in her tapestry, lost no word.

While I talked I said to myself: If I want to speak today I have not a minute to lose.

'It is strange how vividly I remember the scene We were sitting round the table, a round table covered with a red cloth, and we worked by the light of a lamp with a green shade. My two cousins were staying with us and we were all working at tapestries to re-cover the chairs in the drawing-room. Imagine, they had not been re­covered since the days of Louis XIV when they were bought, and they were so shabby and faded, my mother said it was a disgrace.

'I tried to form the words, but my lips would not move; and then, suddenly, after a few minutes of silence my mother said to me: 'I really cannot understand the conduct of your friend. I do not like this leaving without a word all those to whom she is so dear. The gesture is theatrical and offends my taste. A well-bred woman does nothing which shall make people talk of her. I hope that if ever you caused us the great sorrow of leaving us you would not take flight as though you were committing a crime."

'It was the moment to speak, but such was my weak­ness that I could only say. "Ah, set your mind at rest, maman, I should not have the strength."

'My mother made no answer and I repented because I had not dared to explain myself. I seemed to hear the word of Our Lord to St Peter: "Peter, lovest thou me?" Oh what weakness, what ingratitude was mine! I loved my comfort, the manner of my life, my family and my diversions. I was lost in these bitter thoughts when a little later, as though the conversation had not been interrupted, my mother said to me: "Still my Odette I do not think that you will die without having done some­thing that will endure."

' I was still lost in my anxiety and my reflexions, while my cousins, never knowing the beating of my heart worked quietly, when suddenly my mother, letting her tapestry fell and looking at me attentively, said:"Ah, my dear child, I am very sure that you will end by becoming a religious."

"Are you speaking seriously, my good Mother?" I answered. "You are laying bare the innermost thought and desire of my heart."

' "Mais oui," cried ray cousins without giving me time to finish, "For two years Odette has thought of nothing else. But you will not give your permission, ma tante, you must not give your permission."

"By what right, my dear children, should we refuse it," said my mother, "if it is the Will of God?"

'My cousins then, wishing to make a test of the conversation, asked me what I intended to do with the trifles that belonged to me and quarreled gaily about which should take possession of this and which of that. But these first moments of gaiety lasted a very little while and we began to weep. Then we heard my father come up the stairs.'

The Mother Superior paused for a moment and sighed.

'It was very hard for my father. I was his only daughter and men often have a deeper feeling for their daughters than they ever have for their sons.'

'It is a great misfortune to have a heart,' said Kitty, with a smile.

'It is a great good fortune to consecrate that heart to the love of Jesus Christ.'

At that moment a little girl came up to the Mother Superior and confident in her interest showed her a fantastic toy that she had somehow got hold of. The Mother Superior put her beautiful, delicate hand round| the child's shoulder and the child nestled up to her. It moved Kitty to observe how sweet her smile was and yet how impersonal.

'It is wonderful to see the adoration thatall your orphans have for you, Mother,' she said. 'I think I should be very proud if I could excite so great a devotion.'

The Mother Superior gave once more her aloof and yet beautiful smile.

'There is only one way to win hearts and that is to make oneself like unto those of whom one would be loved.'

WALTER did not come back to dinner that evening. Kitty waited for him a little, for when he was detained in the city he always managed to send her word, but at last she sat down. She made no more than a pretence of eating the many courses which the Chinese cook, with his regard for propriety notwithstanding pestilence and the difficulty of provisioning, invariably set before her; and then, sinking into the long rattan chair by the open window, surrendered herself to the beauty of the starry night. The silence rested her.

She did not try to read. Her thoughts floated upon the surface of her mind like little white clouds reflected on a still lake. She was too tired to seize upon one, follow it up and absorb herself in its attendant train. She won­dered vaguely what there was for her in the various impressions which her conversations with the nuns had left upon her. It was singular that, though their way of life so profoundly moved her, the faith which occasioned it left her untouched. She could not envisage the pos­sibility that she might at any time be captured by the ardour of belief. She gave a little sigh: perhaps it would make everything easier if that great white light should illuminate her soul. Once or twice she had the desire to tell the Mother Superior of her unhappiness and its cause; but she dared not: she could not bear that this austere woman should think ill of her. To her what she had done would naturally seem a grivous sin. The odd thing was that she herself could not regard it as wicked so much as stupid and ugly.

Perhaps it was due to an obtuseness in herself that she looked upon her connexion with Townsend as regret­table and shocking even, but to be forgotten rather than to be repented of. It was like making a blunder at a party; there was nothing to do about it, it was dreadfully mortifying, but it showed a lack of sense to ascribe too much importance to it. She shuddered as she thought of Charlie with his large frame too well covered, the vagueness of his jaw and the way he had of standing with his chest thrown out so that he might not seem to have a paunch. His sanguine temperament showed itself in the little red veins which soon would form a net­work or his ruddy cheeks. She had liked his bushy eye­brows there was to her in them now something animal and repulsive.

And the future? It was curious how indifferent it left her: she could not see into it at all. Perhaps she would die when the baby was born. Her sister Doris had always 'been much stronger than she, and Doris had nearly died. (She had done her duty and produced an heir to the new baronetcy; Kitty smiled as she thought of her mother's satisfaction). If the future was so vague it meant perhaps that she was destined never to see it.Walter would probably ask her mother to take care of the child - if the child survived, and she knew him well enough to be sure that, however uncertain of his paternity, he would treat it with kindness. Walter could be trusted under any circumstances to behave admirably. It was a pity that with his great qualities, his unselfishness and honour, his intelligence and sensibility, he should be so unlovable.

She was not in the least frightened of him now, but sorry for him, and at the same time she could not help thinking him slightly absurd. The depth of his emotion made him vulnerable and she had a feeling that somehow and at some time she so could work upon it as to induce him to forgive her. The thought haunted her now that in thus giving him peace of mind she would make the only possible amends for the anguish she had caused him It was a pity he had so little sense of humour: she could see them both, some day, laughing together at the way they had tormented themselves.

She was tired. She took the lamp into her room and undressed. She went to bed and presently fell asleep.

BUT she was awakened by a loud knocking. At first, since it was interwoven with the dream from which she was aroused, she could not attach the sound to reality. The knocking went on and she was conscious that it must be at the gateway of the compound. It was quite dark. She had a watch with phosphorized hands and saw that it was half past two. It must be Walter coming back - how late he was and he could not awake the boy. The knocking went on, louder and louder, and in the silence of the night it was really not a little alarming. The knocking stopped and she heard the withdrawing of the heavy bolt. Walter had never come back so late. Poor thing he must be tired out! She hoped he would have the sense to go straight to bed instead of working as usual in that laboratory of his.

There was a sound of voices and people came into the compound. That was strange, for Walter coming home late, in order not to disturb her, took pains to be quiet. Two or three persons ran swiftly up the wooden steps and came into the room next door. Kitty was a little frightened. At the back of her mind was always the fear of an anti-foreign riot. Had something happened? Her heart began to beat quickly. But before she had time to put her vague apprehension into shape someone walked across the room and knocked at her door.

'Mrs Fane.'

She recognized Waddington’s voice.

‘Yes. What is it?'

‘Will you get up at once? I have something to say toyou.'

She rose and put on a dressing-gown. She unlocked the door and opened it. Her glance took in Waddington in a pair of Chinese trousers and a pongee coat, the house-boy holding a hurricane lamp, and a little farther back three Chinese soldiers in khaki. She started as she saw the consternation on Waddington's face; his head was tousled as though he had just jumped out of bed.

'What is the matter?' she gasped.

'You must keep calm. There's not a moment to lose. Put on your clothes at once and come with me.’

'But what is it? Has something happened in the city?'

The sight of the soldiers suggested to her at once that there had been an outbreak and they were come to pro­tect her.

'Your husband's been taken ill. We want you to come at once.’

'Walter?' she cried.

‘You mustn't be upset, I don't exactly know what’s the matter. Colonel Yu sent this officer to me and asked me to bring you to the Yamen at once.'

Kitty stared at him for a moment she felt a sudden cold in her heart, and then she turned.

'I shall be ready in two minutes.’

'I came just as I was.' he answered. 'I was asleep, I just put on a coat and some shoes.'

She did not hear what he said. She dressed by the light of the stars, taking the first things that came to hand; her fingers on a sudden were so clumsy that it seemed to take her an age to find the little clasps that closed her dress. She put round her shoulders the Cantonese shawl she had worn in the evening.

'I haven't put a hat on. There's no need, is there?'

'No.'

The boy held the lantern in front of them and they hurried down the steps and out of the compound gate

'Take care you don't fall,' said Waddington. 'You'd better hang on to my arm.'

The soldiers followed immediately behind them.

'Colonel Yu has sent chairs. They're waiting on the other side of the river.'

They walked quickly down the hill. Kitty could not bring herself to utter the question that trembled so horribly on her lips. She was mortally afraid of the answer. They came to the bank and there, with a thread of light at the bow, a sampan was waiting for them.

'Is it cholera?' she said then.

'I'm afraid so.'

She gave a little cry and stopped short.

'I think you ought to come as quickly as you can.' He gave her his hand to help her into the boat. The passage was short and the river almost stagnant; they stood in a bunch at the bow, while a woman with a child tied on her hip with one oar impelled the sampan across.

'He was taken ill this afternoon, the afternoon of yesterday that is,' said Waddington.

'Why wasn't I sent for at once?'

Although there was no reason for it they spoke in whispers. In the darkness Kitty could only feel how intense was her companion's anxiety.

‘Colonel Yu wanted to, but he wouldn’t let him. Colonel Yu has been with him all the time.’

‘He ought to have sent for me all the same. It’s heartless.’

‘You husband knew that you had never seen anyone with cholera. It is a terrible and revolting sight. He didn’t want you to see it.’

‘After all he is my husband,’ she said in a choking voice.

Waddington made no reply.

‘Why am I allowed to come now?’

Waddington put his hand on her arm.

‘My dear, you must be very brave. You must be prepared for the worst.’

She gave a wail of anguish and turned away a little, for she saw that the three Chinese soldiers were looking at her. She had a sudden strange glimpse of the whites of their eyes.

‘Is he dying?

'I only know the message Colonel Yu gave to this officer who came and fetched me. As far as I can judge collapse has set in.’

‘Is there no hope at all?’

‘I’m dreadfully sorry, I’m afraid that if we don't get there quickly we shan't find him alive.'

She shuddered. The tears began to stream down her cheeks.

‘You see, he’s been overworking, he has no powers of resistance.^’

She withdrew from the pressure of his arm with a gesture of irritation. It exasperated her that he should talk in that low, anguished voice.

They reached the side and two men, Chinese coolies, standing on the bank helped her to step on shore. The chairs were waiting. As she got into hers Waddington said to her:

'Try and keep a light hold on your nerves. You'll want all your self-control.'

'Tell the bearers to make haste.' 'They have orders to go as fast as they can.' The officer, already in his chair, passed by and as he passed, called out to Kitty's bearers. They raised the chair smartly, arranged the poles on their shoulders, and at a swift pace set off. Waddington followed close behind.

They took the hill at a run, a man with a lantern going before each chair, and at the water-gate the gate-keeper was standing with a torch. The officer shouted to him as they approached and he flung open one side of the gate to let them through. He uttered some sort of inter­jection as they passed and the bearers called back. In the dead of the night those guttural sounds in a strange language were mysterious and alarming. They slithered up the wet and slippery cobbles of the alley and one of the officer's bearers stumbled. Kitty heard the officer's voice raised in anger, the shrill retort of the bearer, and then the chair in front hurried on again. The streets were narrow and tortuous. Here in the city was deep night. It was a city of the dead. They hastened along a narrow lane, turned a corner, and then at a run took a flight of steps; the bearers were beginning to blow hard; they walked with long, rapid strides, in silence; one took out a ragged handkerchief and as he walked wiped from his forehead the sweat that ran down into his eyes; they wound this way and that so that it might have been a maze through which they sped; in the shadow of the shuttered shops sometimes a form seemed to be lying, but you did not know whether it was a man who slept to awake at dawn or a man who slept to awake never; the narrow streets were ghostly in their silent emptiness and when on a sudden a dog barked loudly it sent a shock of terrorthrough Kitty's tortured nerves. She did not know where they went. The way seemed endless. Could they not go faster? Faster. Faster. The time was going and any moment it might be too late.