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Chapter 8 notes

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8‑166

Typical Day in the Life of "President" George W. Bush

8:00 A.M.‑‑The President of the United States (POTUS) rises, checks to see if he is still in White House.

 

8:30 A.M.‑‑Breakfast in bed. Rumsfeld reads him horoscope and comic strips.

 

9:00 A.M.‑‑"Co‑President" Cheney stops by to help George get dressed, goes over situation in Yemen, reminds George to brush his teeth.

 

9:30 A.M.‑‑POTUS arrives at Oval Office, greets secretary.

 

9‑35 A.M.‑‑POTUS leaves Oval, Office to go work out in White House gym.

 

11:00 A.M.‑‑Massage and pedicure.

 

Noon‑Lunch with Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig. Selig confirms still no jobs open in front office.

 

1:00 PM.‑‑Nap.

 

2:30 PM.‑‑Photo op with Little League "team of the day."

 

3:00 PM.‑‑POTUS back in Oval Office to discuss legislation with members of Congress.

 

3:05 PM.‑‑Meeting adjourns; Congressmen tell press, "Meeting was very fruitful. The president told us to get some laws passed,' and then he had us shag balls on the South Lawn."

 

3: 10 PM.‑‑Cheney briefs POTUS on energy policy, tells Junior Bush to "send thank‑you notes" to heads of oil companies.

 

3:12 PM.‑‑POTUS asks to see map of the world; seems surprised by "how big the world has gotten."


3:40 PM.‑‑POTUS has memorized all 191 capitals in less than half an hour.

 

3:44 PM.‑‑Bush calls prime minister of Romania "just because I can"; challenges Romanian prime minister to name capital of Burma; prime minister cannot understand a word he is saying, as POTUS is speaking in Spanish.

 

3:58 PM.‑‑POTUS accepts collect call from Austin jail. POTUS offspring being held for desecrating portrait of POTUS as governor that hangs in state capitol ‑building. POTUS pretends he has a bad connection, impersonates voice of a Mexican woman who has "cut in" on the call, then hangs up. Is heard to say, "She's a chip off the ol' block."

 

4:00 P.M.‑‑Work day ends; POTUS retires to living quarters for brief "catnap."

 

6‑00 PM.‑‑State dinner with African heads of state. Tells Cheney he "can't think about Africa right now‑it's the 'Dark Continent,' you know!" POTUS asks CoPresident to sit in for him.

 

6:05 PM.‑‑POTUS goes for swim in White House pool.

 

7:00 PM.‑‑Phone call to Laura at Texas ranch ("just checking in").

 

7:02 PM.‑‑POTUS goes to White House screening room; watches Dave (again); falls asleep.

 

8:30 P.M.‑‑Cheney awakens POTUS, takes him to his room, tucks him in, says good night. Co‑POTUS goes downstairs and resumes plotting destruction of Planet Earth.


8‑171

If you're finding yourself in a massive fit of rage, and start itching to put this damn book down and contact your congressman/woman, then folks, do it. Call 202‑224‑3121 (the U.S. Capitol switchboard). You can find your representative's E‑mail address at www.senate.gov or www.house.gov Or send snail mail to: Office of Senator (NAME), U.S. Senate, Washington, DC 20510‑‑or Office of Representative (NAME), U.S. House of Representatives, Washington, DC 20515. And for those of you trying to figure out who represents you, check out www.vote‑smart.org and they'll figure it out for you.


8‑173




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ANSWERS | Important Dates in History | Nice Planet, Nobody Home | Things the South Was Right About | The End of Men | HOW MEN CAN AVOID EXTINCTION | We're Number One! | THE HOLY LAND | THE UNITED KINGDOM OF GREAT BRITAIN AND NORTHERN IRELAND | THE FORMER YUGOSLAVIA |


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